Tara Reid...well, if Acting doesn't work try something else...

MSM's Hot Gossip has this to say : Tara Reid has turned lemons into lemonade, or, more specifically, a botched boob job into a job. In the wake of her "Plastic Surgery Nightmare" cover story in Us Weekly, the pie-eyed-inclined punchline's once empty calendar is suddenly crammed with promotional appearances.
On Wednesday, Tara was allowed onto the set of the "Today" show to discuss her ta-ta trauma, but had a spot of trouble when it came to describing the terrifying nip-tuck results.
"It looked like I got completely butchered up," she said of her bloated post-surgery breasts. "The areolas ... they looked like goose-shaped eggs."
Now, as much as we're tickled by the thought of Reid's nippular landscape resembling a web-footed bird, she was obviously going for the more apt "goose-egg shaped."
The confusion continued during her sit-down Thursday on "The View," when she attempted to demonstrate her décolletage damage without actually lifting up her shirt.
"Say this is, like, a piece of paper," began Reid, as she held up a piece of paper, "and this is, like, the nipple ..."
When Joy Behar interrupted and pointed out, "That is a piece of paper, Tara," she barely missed a beat in the telling of her tale of woe.
Reid's interview skills are perhaps a bit rusty given her recent underemployment, although she had better luck describing her equally lamentable liposuction, which left her with a lumpy tummy.
"I got these bumps," she told "Today," "like little golf balls all over my stomach, and it hurt."
Also hurting were the feelings of Tara's mom, who was upset by the unkind comments directed at her offspring.
"It breaks [her] heart," she says in an upcoming sit-down with Tyra Banks. "I'm her daughter. When someone is talking bad about your daughter, you know, she wants to go out and kill them."
The good news is Reid's recent reconstructive surgery has given her shattered self-confidence a boost. She enthuses to "Access Hollywood," "I feel like a girl again. I walk out of the shower now and it's like, wow, I'm back."
And so is her affection for her onetime fiancé Carson Daly, whom she split with in 2001 after a PDA-packed year of coupledom.
Tara, like her hypermammiferous brethren Courtney Love, who a few days back expressed her regret in not marrying Edward Norton, is wistful about what might have been.
"I think to myself if I had married Carson, I would probably have kids right now," she says regretfully. "Be married. I wouldn't have had all that crazy partying. My life would be different. But if that was meant to happen, it would have."
Sighs Tara of the now hollow-cheeked talk show host, "I never loved anyone like I loved him."

Ok, everything else in this column takes a backseat to the phrase "On Wednesday, Tara was allowed onto the set of the "Today""
LOL!!!!!! Ouch! Although I'm still surprised she didn't get an emmy for "Taradise"